This beer is not sobering me up at all
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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