Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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