I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize