me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize