wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
wow bdsm is so cute
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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