He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name