at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no you cant smoke seaweed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird