I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..