Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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