Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
