Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  He uses pillows to masturbate.

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  (708): He uses pillows to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/f9f4
  Replies (39) Good night (743) Bad night (3163)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.

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  (443): Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan. http://tfl.nu/9jkn
  Replies (24) Good night (650) Bad night (4978)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

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  (860): you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance. http://tfl.nu/1cpz
  Replies (16) Good night (8412) Bad night (1306)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.

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  (407): Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock. http://tfl.nu/0ypw
  Replies (11) Good night (3608) Bad night (1398)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention

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  (978): fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention http://tfl.nu/iald
  Replies (7) Good night (822) Bad night (3649)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?

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  (651): Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year? http://tfl.nu/rdru
  Replies (4) Good night (2625) Bad night (1070)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.

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  (815): He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet. http://tfl.nu/dtlg
  Replies (6) Good night (2376) Bad night (1745)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.

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  (202): Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked. http://tfl.nu/s7s6
  Replies (6) Good night (642) Bad night (1165)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.

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  (217): I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well. http://tfl.nu/junb
  Replies (5) Good night (1025) Bad night (806)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?

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  (302): How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel? http://tfl.nu/4qia
  Replies (11) Good night (589) Bad night (1359)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt

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  (716): He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt http://tfl.nu/5cou
  Replies (2) Good night (1471) Bad night (551)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.

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  (727): This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners. http://tfl.nu/f1o4
  Replies (2) Good night (671) Bad night (320)
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  (831): View more from California

  Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"

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  (831): Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over" http://tfl.nu/jc5k
  Replies (1) Good night (652) Bad night (233)
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  (213): View more from California

  Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.

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  (213): Much like Dre, I was forgotten about. http://tfl.nu/kq3a
  Replies (1) Good night (490) Bad night (242)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call

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  (613): Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call http://tfl.nu/gkj8
  Replies (2) Good night (439) Bad night (162)

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