I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.