the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
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For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
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you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You may now shotgun with the bride
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.