The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more