When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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