Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.