I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet