the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
