you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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