I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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