those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Barsexuality is the new black.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
