god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize