There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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