I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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