I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
