Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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