I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
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I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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