took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.