So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
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only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together