I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner