i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.