Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
