Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize