I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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