just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
