twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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