Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
