we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
