So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
