Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
