I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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