If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
True college students do jello shots in the library
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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