Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nobody cheats on THIS.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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