dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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