If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.