that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Boobs speak an international language.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.