Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.