dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible