everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dating After Heartbreak
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear