Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.