If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.