If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?