he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."