THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.