Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.