oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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