Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize