So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
