I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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