dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
