Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
send nudes
from the living room?
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