Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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