yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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