I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
