You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
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im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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