yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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