She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.