Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....