You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.