I bet he comes in French.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
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Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.