Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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